...And Applause

Fret not, I still blog.

The reason for ending dPx is because firstly, I have grown tired of writing imaginative superheroes and encounters. Secondly, to change the theme of the blog suddenly and write something serious would be a complete waste and shame, as dPx has evolved its way into a fun blog.

Nevertheless, I will still blog.

It just occurs to me that, once you get the hang of writing, you'll never stop. Yea, I love writing.

dPx is a funny blog, and I am determined to make sure it remains funny. For those who read my blog religiously, you either find dPx funny or trying too hard to be funny. Either way, I still love you. If you feel like puking, its only natural. 'Cos I'm the renowned dua-pao-xian. Yeah, that's what dPx stands for, if you are still wondering. I imagine I write for a global audience. Bear with me. HA.

Anyway, to those who are seriously interested in reading my thoughts, I've got my new blog set up. Its seriously more serious. No superheroes or ah-beng encounters. It bores me even.

Voice of the Streets

dPx will remain my virgin blog. If I ever end V.o.t.S. and start a new one, which I probably will eventually (its just a matter of when), I will still post the links of future blogs here. Don't delete this space from your bookmark, dear readers. dPx is meant for reading it over and over countless times.

Signing off.

And The Curtain Closes...

The truth always hurts. Reality too. Thinking and writing about entries the very minute I'm awake. Do I want this all my life? Especially writing crap that doesn't make sense the second time I read it. Pretty amusing, I know. If my blog ever amuses you, it probably amuses me 10 times as much. I had fun writing it. But at the end of the day, it's still pretty much crap.

Seriously, I have lost my original plot for starting a blog. I wanted a hassle-free diary. An online diary, on my daily reflections. I lost the plot somewhere, somehow. And I started to crap more and more. Mostly because of an audience, which I appreciated of course. For they praise and encourage me, to write more crap that is. But that's not I want, do I?

I detest myself worrying that my next entry won't be as fun as the previous one. Hey, come on, I've got more important stuff to worry about. At the very least, that would certainly not end my world. Again, it's the audience that makes me push myself to write things that are fun. Not that I'm bhb, which I am for some reason, but then I imagined I write for a global audience. And then I want to avoid personal matters. "I had bread and kaya for breakfast and went swimming with so-and-so, and I came back with a nice tan." Kaya?? That's not what I want to read if I'm a reader. It bores the shit out of me. But it was a struggle to exclude them, I must say.

I am especially thankful for the few comments my friends did give. "Nice writing style you have, the flow is very much approachable." I say thanks.

"You have a queer sense of humor. Amusing blog." I say thanks.

"I didn't know you write good English. I thought you were the cheena kinda person. Not bad ar, didn't know you can write." I say thanks. Sarcastically. I'm an undergraduate, for god sake. I know what's good English. And yea, I know how to write good English. And yea, I use the spell check. Don't question me!! HA.

Probably I'll still post as dPx once in a while. Probably I'll end it with something ambitious. I've yet to think about it. Probably I'll start a new blog somewhere, but you guys might not want to read it anyway. Probably I'll get back to my original plan, that is to scribble daily collections in my yet-to-come-true blog. Probably it would bore the hell out of you. Probably it won't. I guess I bring my loser-kinda-humour everywhere I go. Probably.

Speaking about my humour, I had painstakingly written these favourites. They stirred an awesome amount of laughter in me, and hopefully in you too. For my readers. My favourites.

A Snail Post
Captain Christian
dPx: A Crimefighter's Life
And So The Story Goes On
Eye For A Guy (version 2.5)
If I Could Be Somebody For One Day
And my favourite - Will The Real CD Pirate Please Stand Up

You probably enjoyed reading Zi Mo Cha, Shambles At The Pools, or even In The End, Everything Is Just A Farce. But the truth is I did not spend as much effort writing them as the ones I highlighted above. They were to me, classics, dPx style. Heh.

Anyway, as much fun as both of us had, readers and writer alike, I would want to put an end to my consistent craps. I need to get serious for a start. I need to find myself doing more constructive things than blog rubbish. Yea, my 2-month fling as dPx has to end.

dPx
R.I.P
7th June 2005

The Chain Gang

Commercial

In the 1990s, a group of impressionable young peeps watched way too much violence on television. Today they survived as defenders of their forgotten era. If something or someone is in jeopardy, and if you can find them, maybe u can hire the Chain Gang.

Yea, me. The Chain Gang.



We are a group of problem solvers. We solve problems. We are as powerful as superheroes, but we ain't exactly superheroes because we commit crimes as well. You can call us mercenaries. We serve for a price, a price too steep at times. But nevertheless, we solve your problem, as clean as possible.

The Ringleader.



My Mercenaries.



And of course, our Manservant.



Come June 20th, the group of villians that threaten to pin us down forever, will get the taste of the...

~~CHAIN GANG~~

VS

Readers with sharp eyes would have noticed something, or rather someone is missing in the picture. Apparently, only the 7 dwarves were present for the photoshoot. They have hidden their secret weapon somewhere, according to them. But luckily, the Chain Gang has got him scanned.

Name: J (photo of J is unavailable at press time)*

Codename: Snow White

Assets: Fake boobs, high pitched voice

Verdict: Minimal danger. He can kiss my arse instead.

No prizes for guessing who is more xia-lan. Or kuai-lan. Or lao-lan. We win all totally, because we are great. Because we totally kick ass. Because we are descendents of the Yandao & Chiobu Clan.

Warning to the CGLs: If you want some, come and get some!!!

Damn, I love my imagination.

*sources has it that he was not in the photo because he tio condemned. And not that he was secret weapon. Neh neh ni boo boo.

Captain Christian

The most evident change to HDB flats these days must be the improvement in lifts. Lifts moving up and down faster, lifts serving all storeys. The odd one still exists though. Sadly, mine moves like it has all the time in the world.

So on this not-so-fateful day, I found myself in this lift. The last thing you need in this lift is to feel the urge to pee. Just imagine. Lift moving slowly, but the enticement to leak becomes increasingly tempting. Argh.

As the door was about to close, a young nerd rushed in to share the lift with damn-desperate me. The scenario was embarrassing to say the least. Here I am holding my damned crotch, with my knees cramped together to tighten the grip on my balls. This young nerd looked on shockingly, as if I had juat appeared on the papers as a serial rapist.

"You really shouldn't have done this," he said in a reprimanding tone. "I know sometimes they get kinda itchy, but you really shouldn't have behaved this way in front of me."

As if I were having itchy balls then. But he just reminded me. I started to feel the itch. Curse you, I thought.

"You know, what's itchy need to be scratch. Real men scratch them where they matter. So yah, if it itches, it will be scratched. You ought to try that someday."

Young nerd looked at me with more shock. So much that I thought I had just nailed his Jesus.

"What's with you guys? Rude and disgusting. Read the Bible for God's sake and learn the way to behave. You have sinned greatly, and although it's not too late to turn back, I'm rather reluctant to welcome you in. But then, I am taught to forgive. Sigh."

What's with me? What's with you, I say. Some Christians would just go and on about their faith in their Lord, desperately convincing everyone around them that being a Christian is the way to go. They pitched their beliefs so vigorously that you thought they get commission for every newcomer.

I was of course pretty pissed by then. Pissed with the lift, pissed with the urge, pissed with being stuck inside with Captain Christian.

"HA. If you guys were anything near perfect, nobody would have to be nailed," I said defiantly, as if my only known-fact of Jesus is everything.

Captain Christian couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was shocked in awe.

I looked up, clearly ignoring his cock face. The lift had only got past the 2nd storey. There's no way I could hold the urge till I reached home.

"And anyway, I need a pee, not a scratch. So if you don't mind, I need to release right here, right now."

I unzipped and walked to the corner where all the lift buttons are, as if that should be the place to urinate when we must. And now that I wrote about it, yah, its kinda true. People all urine there, don't they? HA.

"No no no. As long as I am alive and kicking, you shan't get your way and sin further. Turn back my friend. It's never too late. You..."

I couldn't take Captain Christian anymore. I had to shut his mouth somehow, I thought. I did the inevitable.

I turned and pee-ed onto him.

Chronicles of A Niner...

I could now say confidently that yea, my stint as a niner has ended. Sadly so, but it has left me with a memorable first-time hall experience. Now, before I forgot I had even taken these photos, I present to you, erm, my hall chronicles.



The Enchanted Corridor, I would called it. This is the route that I took everytime I needed a leak or a washup. This is also the route that carries the authentic Indian stench.



The view from my 'balcony'. This place has a windy feel, and it is often the place where I would be when I need to mug real hard. Wonderful, except for the mosquitoes.



My room. And also the reason why I would choose to study at the balcony most of the time. But then, it has everything that you ever need in a room. And for those who said they will visit my room and help tidy up, you guys failed terribly at lying.



Zooming in onto the workplace, where I spent most of the time on the laptop. FM 93.3 is in the air then as I prepared to mug hard for the exams. Peifen coaxed me to sleep everynight.



Spot the difference. HA. I wonder how Peck managed to tolerate my untidiness. But then I'm a great entertainer, so I guess that makes it up for him a bit?



The yandao kias. Nothing more to say.

And yea, that's about all. My hall life. Guys, mess, guys again. Damn boring, largely because I got myself a screwed up location from the very beginning. Shan't complain though because I have great neighbours which most people don't have. Shan't complain because the peace which came with this isolated package got me the results most people would crave for. Shan't complain...

And oh yah, how could I forget this gal. My block head. In case you are wondering, I was a screwed-up block rep. Anyway, this gal is a great hall mate. And most importantly, she appreciate MY jokes. HA. We are lamers. The song-kia from 46 was our toy. :)



Oh my gawd!!!! What's that face for? Pardon her, peeps.

Nostalgia...

Finally got my wireless ADSL router up and running. And this gives me the opportunity to use my laptop at home, which has been left to dust in the corner of my bedroom ever since I moved back. And it also gives me the opportunity to clean up my fucking messy bedroom.

My bedroom is in such a mess, partly because it's the most unused part of my home. Other than sleeping, I seriously found little use for the bedroom, except to dump my stuff. But now, I have to make space for the renewed vigour in my laptop. And so, I tidied diligently and somehow accidentally opened the drawer that is used to contain my ex-gf's gifts.

Everything came back to me so strongly that I almost choked. For a few minutes, I thought about her good points, thought about her cute surprises, thought about the good old days, thought about recounciling. But then I couldn't, could I?

How I miss talking to her. Soulmate, best friend, gf. I realised I couldn't just dump everything aside. The clay figuring, the stars she folded, the movie ticket stubs, the sweet notes she scribbled with the tiny hands of hers, damn, I feel like turning back the clock.

I felt I have changed so much. Have I been escaping all the while?

Have you ever...

...seen a pram mobile?

Was taking the NEL when I caught this ridiculously strange scene. A family of 5 was sitting opposite me. The husband is the typical Singaporean beer drinker while his wife looks like a maid from Sri Lanka. But anyway, they were legally married and were bringing their 3 kids along. These 3 kids were cramped inside this ridiculously modified pram that makes the bat mobile looks like a piece of shit.

This pram was locked to one of the railings by a LOCK. What's more, the kids were so heavily strapped inside with padlocks and stuff, that you thought this family was going skydiving. Or performing some David Copperfield's escape tricks. Yea, I said padlocks, for I SAW padlocks!!

How do you stuff 3 babies in one pram? Amazingly, 2 babies were stacked on top of one another in the main pram, while the third was nicely tucked away in a side pocket. When it's fucking time to leave the train, Mr. Beer Drinker stood up, unlocked the ultimate pram, detached the side pocket and viola, the side pocket had become his backpack.

The passengers looked on alarmingly, eyes wide, mouths open, at the transition. "What the.." all of us thought simultaneously. Strange family. Surprisingly the babies didn't cry one bit with all the strappings and padlocks on them. HA.