dPx: A Crimefighter's Life

I've just watched House of Fury. I really feel for the guy out there. You know that secret-agent-turned-foot-massage therapist? Yup, that's the man. Look at his sufferings. Having a great past which you can't dPx about. That's pathetic.

You see, dPx spent the best 10 years of his life as a crimefighter too, fighting criminals and maintaining peace and order in the city of Singapore. You could see similarites between dPx and Mr Foot Massager. By day, he's just like any other citizens. By night, he puts on his mask and swashbuckling anti-crime suit and sets out to defeat rebels with his infamous sidekick, Bin. He has sacrificed too much for this city. But nobody seems to know. Worse, nobody seems to care.

"Oh man, stop that crap!!", moaned the audience. Well, I guess this is just the way heroes are treated. Nobody believes Mr. Foot Massager is a secret agent. Nobody is going to believe dPx is the Batman of today either. Citizens of this city have lived too comfortably. And they often took this comfort for granted. "Heroes are never meant to be worshipped, you fool!! They are here to serve!!"

What I'm 'bout to write is some deep insights into this top secret, yet voluntary job. Let's see, where do we start? Well, dPx the crimefighter fights basically pimps and mugger-wannabes. "Why mugger-wannabes?", one might ask. You see, just as pimps are a disgrace to modern society, mugger-wannabes are a dread to school campus. Mugger-wannabes are first of all not muggers and hence they are fakers. They carry books around the school, put them on tables in the canteens and reading rooms and then leave the chairs empty. They force people out of study rooms with their unwelcomed chattering and they paste "Room Occupied" stickers on the doors when the room is only occupied with their books. Real muggers hardly have a chance against these wannabes. Unfortunately, there are just too many of them. Everyday (or should I say every night), we receive SOS signals like these:

Bin: dPx, sounds like an SOS call.
dPx: You're fucking right. Check the situation.
Bin: Boss, the situation's got worse. The whole stretch of tutorial rooms along S4 has been hogged by wannabes.
dPx: Damn!! Get ready, Bin. This is 'bout to get heavy.
Bin: Yeah baby. Anytime now.
dPx: To the Bat Mobile!!

This shit just gets heavier whenever the examinations start. But dPx and Bin have their fair share of examinations. They can't go around catching all wannabes. They need to study. They need to get a decent degree to fall on when they retire from crimefighting. And hence the need for this plead: "Wannabes, stop those hogging shit!!"

Last words: Bin's my sidekick. He's got a deep sleazy voice, a not-so-well-built body and a pimpled face. He ain't handsome Ro-bin, but fret not, he isn't a Laden too. Gosh, am I trying too hard to be funny or what? This is getting lamer!!

Bin: "erm, is this part of the plan?"