And So The Story Goes On...
It's the end of the month, and I can feel the urge to end it BIG on the blog. I believe that this blog is in bits and pieces. The sheriff writes as he pleases and seldom links as readers wish. And this is mighty horrendous, horrendously tremendous, tremendously cruel, cruelly sexual and sexually brutal and brutally nauseous and..."err, we got a show to run, dPx. Cut the crap won't you?"
And so the story goes. It's finally Moon Day. 9 days after dPx announces his desire to return to the moon. Yes, the day has come and it can't come any sooner, and quicker, and faster, and rapider, and...I run out of synonyms. But that's beside the point. The point is, dPx is going to the moon, with sidekick Bin. They will be tour-guided by Austin Power's very own, Mini Mi!!
The countdown is here, the trio is ready. "10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4, 2, 1, GO!!!"
"You missed 6 and 3, Sheriff." Bin barked.
"Because if you said any multiples of 3, you get to drink as punishment, idiot!!" dPx retorted.
"You mentioned 9, didn't you?" Bin reminded.
"Oh damn. His pee is sucky. Come Mini Mi," dPx requested reluctantly.
Mini Mi could only oblige. "What the fuck?? You stray from the topic again!!" Well, I promise you this part comes in handy later on. Anyway a good story writer builds suspense. I'm building. "It's high, it's toppy, oh my gosh, it's toppling!!"
"How long is the journey?" Bin asked.
"We are 2 minutes from the moon. Such is the advancement in technology. We could get here faster than chee-ko-peis going to Geylang. And stop disturbing me. I'm driving."
"I'm sorry. Hey, look out, it's a bird!!" Bin exclaimed.
"No, it's a plane!!" Mini Mi too exclaimed.
"No, it's my shit. I just pooped into outer space. It's huge, isn't it? I haven't poo-ed for ages because of this blog," dPx complained.
The trio landed successfully on Planet M, and so began the search for the ultimate snail. The mega snail that reproduces the entire population of snails in the entire world. It's quite obvious for snails to reproduce that way. They move at such incredible speeds that by the time they got done with each other, chee-ko-peis might had patronised the entire stretch of the enchanted Lorongs.
So on and on, off and off, on and off, off and on, the trio search and search, find and find, but they can't find nothing. "This is getting frustrating." dPx screamed. "Are our sources reliable?"
"I supposed they are. They are sent to us by some of our blogmaniacs. On top of it was written 'True and Confidential'. Can't be wrong, right?" Mini Mi answered.
"How idiotic could you get? It could be a scam. They could be after our..." Bin teased.
"Shhh. Lower your volume, won't you. Nobody knows we got the saber," dPx whispered.
"Bwhahahahhaa. You are so mighty wrong, dPx." a voice exploded from afar. dPx is flustered. He knew he's been betrayed. "Where the fuck are you hiding, you cow!!" dPx shouted in dominance, filled 99% with exaggeration.
"I am Darth Vader, children of the Jedi Knights. I am here to slay your ass from where your mouth is. Hand me the saber and I shall grant you a not-so-painless death."
"You sure know where to put your bullshit in. I am dPx, the 2nd Generation Sheriff of the Bullshitting Shire of Gey-land. I shall put your soul to my blade and feed your blood to my Mini Mi."
Mini Mi looked on excitedly. He longed for some bloody actions. As long as it doesn't involve him.
"Enough of talking!! Unsheeth your weapon. Let's get started!!"
"I can't wait." dPx tried desperately to lie. He hadn't master the essence of the Lightsaber he had inherited earlier from dPx the First. "Get the manuel," he hissed towards Bin.
Thankfully they had the manuel. dPx flipped furiously through the pages. But nothing about the Lightsaber. As typical as a Gey-lander would do, dPx instantly flipped to the last page. "Haha, there you are."
"God damnit!! Just when I don't need it, they give me this shit!!" dPx roared.
The sheriff roared and roared. Every bit of his surviving saliva got splattered out. Just then, a yellowish tint of liquid fell out from his mouth and landed on the Lightsaber. The Lightsaber seemingly knew the signal and lighted up to its full powers immediately. Darth Vader was taken aback.
"What happened?" Bin exclaimed, yet again.
"It must be Mini Mi's pee. You remember when I had to drank it just now. Mini Mi's pee has enough mojo to light up the entire Gey-land!! My oh my, dPx ain't finished yet!!"
And so it began. Darth Vader's every strike is effectively countered by the revitalised dPx. Stroke for stroke, energy for energy, there's no separating the two. Bin and Mini Mi could only watch on. Left, right, center, left-center, center again, right again. Ping. Bang. Bish. "OHHH!!"
"Did you caught that?" Mini Mi asked Bin
"I think dPx just delivered a low-blow to Darth!!" Bin explained in awe.
"Yes babies. Hell yes I do. I have delivered the fame cheap shot yet again!!" dPx dPx-ed excitedly.
Darth Vader yelled agonising in pain. He never expected that. He thought he knew all about dPx. Well, he just learnt another lesson. "Please, spare me and I shall be your slave till the end of time."
"Well, I don't need a slave. At least not till the end of time. But rest assure, I was taught not to kill in school. So allow me to spare you, Vader."
dPx turned around and walked back to his spaceship. Just then, in the tinest and miniest of split seconds, Darth Vader rose and stabbed dPx right into his back. The school teachings had yet again screwed him. "Damn those professors!!" cursed dPx, not for the first time.
Darth Vader quickly escaped into his Moon hideout, laughing sheepishly about his sneak attack. Meanwhile dPx got up onto his feet and continued his way back.
"You ain't hurt?" asked Bin suspicously as he thought for a moment he had became the new Sheriff.
"Nah. I knew that was in the script. So I wore a WonderBra behind. It works wonders." dPx claimed.
"Can I have that WonderBra?" Mini Mi 'mi' his eyes and pleaded in begger-like style.
"Of course you can. Your pee saved me!" dPx ended, in style.
And so the story goes. It's finally Moon Day. 9 days after dPx announces his desire to return to the moon. Yes, the day has come and it can't come any sooner, and quicker, and faster, and rapider, and...I run out of synonyms. But that's beside the point. The point is, dPx is going to the moon, with sidekick Bin. They will be tour-guided by Austin Power's very own, Mini Mi!!
The countdown is here, the trio is ready. "10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4, 2, 1, GO!!!"
"You missed 6 and 3, Sheriff." Bin barked.
"Because if you said any multiples of 3, you get to drink as punishment, idiot!!" dPx retorted.
"You mentioned 9, didn't you?" Bin reminded.
"Oh damn. His pee is sucky. Come Mini Mi," dPx requested reluctantly.
Mini Mi could only oblige. "What the fuck?? You stray from the topic again!!" Well, I promise you this part comes in handy later on. Anyway a good story writer builds suspense. I'm building. "It's high, it's toppy, oh my gosh, it's toppling!!"
"How long is the journey?" Bin asked.
"We are 2 minutes from the moon. Such is the advancement in technology. We could get here faster than chee-ko-peis going to Geylang. And stop disturbing me. I'm driving."
"I'm sorry. Hey, look out, it's a bird!!" Bin exclaimed.
"No, it's a plane!!" Mini Mi too exclaimed.
"No, it's my shit. I just pooped into outer space. It's huge, isn't it? I haven't poo-ed for ages because of this blog," dPx complained.
The trio landed successfully on Planet M, and so began the search for the ultimate snail. The mega snail that reproduces the entire population of snails in the entire world. It's quite obvious for snails to reproduce that way. They move at such incredible speeds that by the time they got done with each other, chee-ko-peis might had patronised the entire stretch of the enchanted Lorongs.
So on and on, off and off, on and off, off and on, the trio search and search, find and find, but they can't find nothing. "This is getting frustrating." dPx screamed. "Are our sources reliable?"
"I supposed they are. They are sent to us by some of our blogmaniacs. On top of it was written 'True and Confidential'. Can't be wrong, right?" Mini Mi answered.
"How idiotic could you get? It could be a scam. They could be after our..." Bin teased.
"Shhh. Lower your volume, won't you. Nobody knows we got the saber," dPx whispered.
"Bwhahahahhaa. You are so mighty wrong, dPx." a voice exploded from afar. dPx is flustered. He knew he's been betrayed. "Where the fuck are you hiding, you cow!!" dPx shouted in dominance, filled 99% with exaggeration.
"I am Darth Vader, children of the Jedi Knights. I am here to slay your ass from where your mouth is. Hand me the saber and I shall grant you a not-so-painless death."
"You sure know where to put your bullshit in. I am dPx, the 2nd Generation Sheriff of the Bullshitting Shire of Gey-land. I shall put your soul to my blade and feed your blood to my Mini Mi."
Mini Mi looked on excitedly. He longed for some bloody actions. As long as it doesn't involve him.
"Enough of talking!! Unsheeth your weapon. Let's get started!!"
"I can't wait." dPx tried desperately to lie. He hadn't master the essence of the Lightsaber he had inherited earlier from dPx the First. "Get the manuel," he hissed towards Bin.
Thankfully they had the manuel. dPx flipped furiously through the pages. But nothing about the Lightsaber. As typical as a Gey-lander would do, dPx instantly flipped to the last page. "Haha, there you are."
The Last Page
General FAQ
Question 1 out of 1
How the fuck do you use the Lightsaber?
Answer:
Fix the battery, you idiot!
By the way, batteries not included.
Each sold separately.
"God damnit!! Just when I don't need it, they give me this shit!!" dPx roared.
The sheriff roared and roared. Every bit of his surviving saliva got splattered out. Just then, a yellowish tint of liquid fell out from his mouth and landed on the Lightsaber. The Lightsaber seemingly knew the signal and lighted up to its full powers immediately. Darth Vader was taken aback.
"What happened?" Bin exclaimed, yet again.
"It must be Mini Mi's pee. You remember when I had to drank it just now. Mini Mi's pee has enough mojo to light up the entire Gey-land!! My oh my, dPx ain't finished yet!!"
And so it began. Darth Vader's every strike is effectively countered by the revitalised dPx. Stroke for stroke, energy for energy, there's no separating the two. Bin and Mini Mi could only watch on. Left, right, center, left-center, center again, right again. Ping. Bang. Bish. "OHHH!!"
"Did you caught that?" Mini Mi asked Bin
"I think dPx just delivered a low-blow to Darth!!" Bin explained in awe.
"Yes babies. Hell yes I do. I have delivered the fame cheap shot yet again!!" dPx dPx-ed excitedly.
Darth Vader yelled agonising in pain. He never expected that. He thought he knew all about dPx. Well, he just learnt another lesson. "Please, spare me and I shall be your slave till the end of time."
"Well, I don't need a slave. At least not till the end of time. But rest assure, I was taught not to kill in school. So allow me to spare you, Vader."
dPx turned around and walked back to his spaceship. Just then, in the tinest and miniest of split seconds, Darth Vader rose and stabbed dPx right into his back. The school teachings had yet again screwed him. "Damn those professors!!" cursed dPx, not for the first time.
Darth Vader quickly escaped into his Moon hideout, laughing sheepishly about his sneak attack. Meanwhile dPx got up onto his feet and continued his way back.
"You ain't hurt?" asked Bin suspicously as he thought for a moment he had became the new Sheriff.
"Nah. I knew that was in the script. So I wore a WonderBra behind. It works wonders." dPx claimed.
"Can I have that WonderBra?" Mini Mi 'mi' his eyes and pleaded in begger-like style.
"Of course you can. Your pee saved me!" dPx ended, in style.
posted by dPx at 1:40 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home