Captain Christian

The most evident change to HDB flats these days must be the improvement in lifts. Lifts moving up and down faster, lifts serving all storeys. The odd one still exists though. Sadly, mine moves like it has all the time in the world.

So on this not-so-fateful day, I found myself in this lift. The last thing you need in this lift is to feel the urge to pee. Just imagine. Lift moving slowly, but the enticement to leak becomes increasingly tempting. Argh.

As the door was about to close, a young nerd rushed in to share the lift with damn-desperate me. The scenario was embarrassing to say the least. Here I am holding my damned crotch, with my knees cramped together to tighten the grip on my balls. This young nerd looked on shockingly, as if I had juat appeared on the papers as a serial rapist.

"You really shouldn't have done this," he said in a reprimanding tone. "I know sometimes they get kinda itchy, but you really shouldn't have behaved this way in front of me."

As if I were having itchy balls then. But he just reminded me. I started to feel the itch. Curse you, I thought.

"You know, what's itchy need to be scratch. Real men scratch them where they matter. So yah, if it itches, it will be scratched. You ought to try that someday."

Young nerd looked at me with more shock. So much that I thought I had just nailed his Jesus.

"What's with you guys? Rude and disgusting. Read the Bible for God's sake and learn the way to behave. You have sinned greatly, and although it's not too late to turn back, I'm rather reluctant to welcome you in. But then, I am taught to forgive. Sigh."

What's with me? What's with you, I say. Some Christians would just go and on about their faith in their Lord, desperately convincing everyone around them that being a Christian is the way to go. They pitched their beliefs so vigorously that you thought they get commission for every newcomer.

I was of course pretty pissed by then. Pissed with the lift, pissed with the urge, pissed with being stuck inside with Captain Christian.

"HA. If you guys were anything near perfect, nobody would have to be nailed," I said defiantly, as if my only known-fact of Jesus is everything.

Captain Christian couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was shocked in awe.

I looked up, clearly ignoring his cock face. The lift had only got past the 2nd storey. There's no way I could hold the urge till I reached home.

"And anyway, I need a pee, not a scratch. So if you don't mind, I need to release right here, right now."

I unzipped and walked to the corner where all the lift buttons are, as if that should be the place to urinate when we must. And now that I wrote about it, yah, its kinda true. People all urine there, don't they? HA.

"No no no. As long as I am alive and kicking, you shan't get your way and sin further. Turn back my friend. It's never too late. You..."

I couldn't take Captain Christian anymore. I had to shut his mouth somehow, I thought. I did the inevitable.

I turned and pee-ed onto him.